My BDSM philosophy

I identify myself as a heterosexual male Dominant. I find the idea of having a woman submit to me sexually very erotic. As I consider myself a feminist to some extent, it took a lot of years before I felt comfortable with the fantasies I found myself having quite often! :))

I started having "true" SM fantasies when I was 18 or so. But I can remember as a kid getting "excited" seeing a movie where some girls were tied to a curtain rod by their hair or an old horror movie where some poor soul got put in a sensory deprivation tank! His eyes and ears were covered with cotton and a mask was put over his face. Then he was dropped in a tank of warm water with a breathing tube connected to the mask. Whoa! I knew it turned me on somehow, but I couldn't understand why.

Years later, I'd see drawings of women in various forms of bondage and/or having their breasts and pussies "tortured," and being whipped. I'd find them very erotic, but wondered if I had developed some sick and twisted fantasies. So I struggled with these images in my head off and on for several years.

Then one day in the late 1980's, I called up San Francisco Sex Information, which is a volunteer-staffed sex information hotline located here in the Bay Area. They assured me my fantasies were perfectly normal and healthy and told me about a group called The Society of Janus.

It took me quite awhile to gather the courage to call them and then finally join, but it turned out to be one of the best moves I've ever made in my life! I was finally among like-minded people and I finally began to LEARN what BDSM was about and truly entailed. That was fifteen years ago and I'm still learning! I never will stop learning; any true Dominant or true submissive knows that you never do.

My first serious play partner was an experienced sub. That was wonderful, because I knew I could try out my fantasies and if something went wrong, she would know that and "safe word" (i.e. "stop" the scene). Fortunately, that RARELY happened. Since then, I have had the fortune to play with a number of wonderful women over the last several years. When I "play" (do BDSM) with someone, I always try to create an erotic and safe environment for them. :)) I always respect their limits and if something I'm doing gets to be too intense, I stop doing that and move on to something else.

BDSM to me anyway, is something that is fun and erotic. It is also about respecting your partner, be they Top, bottom, switch, sadist, masochist, straight, gay, lesbian, or bi. It is about love, it is about trusting your partner, trusting that they will send you on journeys beyond your wildest dreams. It is quite an honor to have a sub place her body and soul in your hands to do whatever you wish to. And of course, you have to respect all LIMITS! If you violate any limit, then BDSM truly does become abuse or violence!

Several years ago, I saw a quote on the net by an anonymous Dominant who said "There are really two kinds of submissives in the world: those who believed they didn't deserve any better.. and those who believe they didn't deserve any less." I like that quote and I believe that any sub should always strive for the best in herself and for the best in her Master or Mistress.

Let me say here that I respect women and treat them as equals outside of the bedroom. That has always been and always will be my philosophy about BDSM. You may not agree with it, but I ask you to respect my feelings and I will respect yours. Thank You!

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